Just pretend you love me
by HellPhoenix
Summary: Kai and Tala, best friends and practically brothers, are harshly split up when Tala is adopted. To reduce the pain of losing Kai, Tala convinces himself that he hates him. However, Kai isn't going to let his best friend slip away that easily. Kai/Tala
1. Heaven and Hell

"_Kai."_

"_Tala."_

"_Long time, no see."_

"_Yeah." The dual-haired boy smiled slightly. "I thought you were in some foster home?"_

_The redhead remained staring up in the ceiling of the room he shared with Kai in the orphanage. _

"_The people turned out to be violent alcoholics. 'Daddy' was teaching his son how to beat me up." He gave a faint smile. "How about you? Weren't you living with some rich family?"_

_Kai laughed. "Apparently, I wasn't classy enough for them."_

"_I bet they didn't fancy your cigarettes much."_

"_They weren't particularly fond of the tattoos either."_

_Tala smiled. He didn't get to see Kai much, which was sad, considering the slate-haired boy was the only family he had. No one had ever cared enough to stay in his life for more than a couple of months. Not even his parents._

"_So," Kai said plainly. "Did they give you any bruises?"_

_The redhead smiled as he sat up in the couch, pulling off his shirt, uncovering a chest and abdomen that was an indefinable mix of red, blue and purple._

"_That's nothing compared to mine," Kai smirked, pulling his own T-shirt over his head. "I met my parents this weekend," he explained when Tala stared at the bandage that covered most of his chest and parts of his left upper arm. The air suddenly felt disgustingly thick, and Tala could almost smell the sweet scent of blood, as he saw the dried reddish stains on the white bandage._

"_What happened?"_

_Kai shrugged his shoulders. "Kitchen knife."_

"_Did I ever tell you your mom is nuts?"_

"_Every time."_

_Tala forced his lips into a smile, despite the tears emerging in the corners of his eyes. "If she ever hurts you again, I am personally going to kill her."_

_Kai tilted his head to the side, still with his face frozen in an expressionless mask. "Be careful, then. I wouldn't want you going to jail."_

_The redhead frowned. "They can't judge me. I'm just a child. I'm 13 years old, Kai. They can't send me to prison."_

"_Then if you're going to kill her, you should do it before you're old enough to be sent there."_

---

There was only one thing Tala could remember clearly from living in the orphanage. The last conversation he had with Kai. It felt weird thinking about how it had been five years since he last saw his best friend. The boy he had once seen as his family.

But that part of his life was over. He had a family now. For once, he had been placed in a family that didn't yell at him, beat him up, or send him back to the orphanage after a few days. He was happy. For once in his life, he was happy. And he deserved it. After thirteen years of suffering, he deserved a little happiness.

Sometimes he asked himself if he missed Kai. He had never been sure about the answer, though. But he didn't think he did. Sometimes he wondered how his childhood friend was, sometimes even if he was still alive, but no, he wouldn't say he missed him. After all, he had a family here. He had friends. He even had a girlfriend. What more could he want?

No, life was as perfect as it could be for Tala Ivanov. He had kept the surname even after he was adopted, not because he wanted to keep the one thing he had after his biological parents, but because he wanted to emphasize that he was not born into the family he now lived with, and that someone actually wanted him, and loved him for who he was, even if they weren't physically related.

_Kai did, _a treacherous voice within his mind whispered. _Kai cared about you. Loved you. He was the one who provided you with the strength to keep fighting, to never give up. You were his reason to live._

"Shut up," Tala muttered to himself. Back in the orphanage, they had compared the injuries they got from different foster parents – and biological parents. And Kai had enjoyed it. He always smiled as he showed the latest scars or wounds or bruises, and asked Tala what he had gotten. Kai had liked seeing him hurt. A piece of the redhead died each time Kai told him about how his parents hurt him every time he saw them. But Kai always smiled. Smirked. Laughed. Would he have enjoyed seeing Tala with a deadly wound, such as the one Kai's mother had given him? He surely would have. He was just that kind of guy. Always had been.

---

Kai stared at the street in front of him, not really noticing anything. He only snapped out of his paralyzed state once, when he caught a glimpse of a slender teenager with red hair.

But it wasn't Tala. It never was.

He sighed loudly, as a growling sound emerged from his stomach.

"Shut up," he mumbled, holding a hand to his sweaty forehead. "I know you're hungry, but I'm not going to steal anything. Nor am I in any condition to." He threw a glance at the outworn hat that lied on the ground in front of him. There were a few pennies in it, thrown in there by random passers who probably just gave it to him so that he would leave. Everyone hated beggars. He remembered the discussions they had had about it when he was still in school. He had said it himself, that they ruined the reputation of the towns they were in. That if they needed money so desperately, they should get a job. He hadn't known how hard it was. He couldn't walk into a shop without being thrown out. No one would hire a skinny teenager with clothes that were nothing more than rags.

He stumbled as he got up, grabbing the few coins as he did so. He held the small pieces of metal so tight that he edges cut into his skin, creating shallow wounds. He didn't want to risk losing even one of them. Maybe he could afford some food tonight.

He put the cap on his head, creating a slight shadow over his tired face. As he walked across the street, he started thinking about how much he missed Tala. Even the orphanage. At least he had had a place to stay. Now that he had turned eighteen, he had been thrown out on the street.

He didn't have anywhere to go. He had no idea where his best friend was. And the only thing he could ever think about was if the other male even cared if he was alive.

A bell tinged as Kai pushed open the door to the small bakery. He felt eyes on him as he walked over to the counter.

"Is this enough?" he asked silently as he reached the hand with the pennies in to the owner.

"Enough for what?"

"Anything. I'm hungry. I'll take anything I can get."

"Here," the man said warmly, putting a small bread into Kai's hands. "It's going to be cold tonight. Do you want to borrow a blanket?"

"Yes, please," Kai replied, mumbling. He watched as the owner of the place bent down behind the counter, only to reappear with a thick blanket in his hands.

"Thanks," he said quietly after receiving the blanket.

"Have a good night," the man behind the counter said. "I hope that fever goes down soon."

"So do I," Kai mumbled as he turned to leave.

The cold air hit him like a wall when he exited the house. He couldn't remember that it had been so cold earlier. Maybe he had been inside longer than he thought.

Trying to tell himself that he wasn't bothered with the cold, he made his way to the back of the building in which the bakery lied. He looked around himself, before sitting down between two trash cans, wrapping his sickly body into the thick, warm blanket. He just sat there for a long time, staring up at the black sky. The sun set earlier each day now. Winter would come soon. He decided that if he survived the winter, he had to be blessed.

When he finally took a bite of the bread, it seemed like the most delicious meal he had ever had, even though it was old, dry and hard as stone.

How long had it been since he was thrown out of the orphanage? A few months, maybe? Three? Four? Kai didn't bother keeping track of time. He didn't even know what day it was. What he did know was that it was cold, it would be winter soon, he would probably die, and Tala wouldn't even care. If he had cared, he wouldn't have kicked Kai out of his life once he was adopted. It was like Kai only was someone to keep him entertained until he found someone else. Someone better. Like Kai wasn't good enough for him.

Tala had been Kai's life. His everything. He still was. Without Tala, there would be no reason for Kai to live.

The redhead hated him, he was well aware of that. But the only thing that kept him going was the fact that Tala was out there somewhere. If he could only see him once more, then he could die happily. But he couldn't give up yet. He couldn't die. Not yet. Not before he had told Tala about how he felt.

---

"Talaaaa! Stop spacing out!"

The redhead looked up at the girl next to him. Hilary could be so annoying at times. But he loved her still. She was so sweet and caring, and she almost started crying when she looked at the scar that stretched across his neck. He remembered too well who had given him that wound. It was hard to imagine that he had later thought about the boy as his family.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered into her hair as he pulled her body closer to his own. "I was just thinking…"

Hilary seemed to understand, because she nodded slightly and mumbled, "It's okay, sweetie. He can't hurt you anymore."

"Yeah." Tala forced a faint smile, receiving a comforting hug from his girlfriend. So what if he acted like a victim? He was one, after all. Kai hadn't been particularly nice to him when they first met, in fact, he had been everything but. He had been angry, violent. He had attacked Tala the first time he entered the room they shared. He had claimed he just meant to protect himself, that it was an instinct. And so he had started telling about his parents, about everything they had done to him, about how he was forced to meet them every other weekend, because they still had the parenting rights, and they had the right to meet him.

"Hilary?"

"Hn?"

"I love you."

The brunette smiled, her flawless face shining from the happiness that those three words provided her with, "I love you too, Tala," she whispered softly, leaning closer to her boyfriend's body.

---

When Kai woke up the following morning, he felt remarkably warm. As he held a hand to his forehead, it felt neither hot nor sweaty, and when he finally stood up, he didn't feel as dizzy as usual. The wind stroke his face gently, and he wondered if maybe there was a god. Maybe he had gotten a new chance to find Tala.

He hastily walked around the small building and placed the blanket in front of the door to the bakery, before returning to his so-called home at the back, between the trash cans.

For once, he actually noticed what was happening around him. He heard the birds twittering, saw a cat greedily consuming some sort of bird of mouse that it had caught. The sky was a faint blue color, and there wasn't a cloud in sight.

He suddenly noticed a wallet that was lying on the ground on front of him. Curiously, he picked it up and looked inside. There had to be at least five hundred dollars in there.

Before he had the chance to think about what he was doing, he put the wallet in his pocket, and turned his sight back to the world around him. His eyes caught sight of an opened door in a warehouse not far away, and he immediately started walking towards it.

There was no one in there, only hundreds of cardboard boxes, and Kai quickly decided to enter the building. He walked over to a stack of boxes, and his hands opened one of them carefully.

There was a bunch of clothes inside. Kai picked up one of the light blue shirts, which was exactly his size. He then opened another box, which was filled with black jeans, also in his size. He grabbed the two pieces of clothing and closed the boxes again, giving them a skeptical glance, before nodding to himself, clearly satisfied with the work. The boxes looked as if they had never been opened.

Once he had returned out into the fresh morning air, he pulled off the same worn-out clothes he had been wearing for months, replacing them with the new clothes he had found. He didn't forget about the wallet, as he carefully put it into the pocket of the black jeans.

He told himself over and over again that it was a miracle. How else could he have recovered so fast? He couldn't remember ever having been so happy as he walked out on the main street, and over to a café that seemed to have opened already, even though, if he was to tell by the number of people outside, it was still early in the morning.

"Excuse me, I was wondering if I could borrow the bathroom here for a second?" Kai said as politely as he could to the young girl that seemed to be the only one working in the café at the time.

"Of course," the blonde replied, smiling widely. Kai returned the smile. The new clothing seemed to have its effect. He then followed the girl to a door that clearly lead to the toilet. He nodded thankfully, before entering the room and locking the door behind him.

A few months ago, the smell would have made him throw up, but it didn't bother him anymore. He found that it was simply best to ignore it, as he looked at his reflection in the mirror.

He didn't look too bad. In fact, he looked like any other teenager who had stayed up a little too late in the evening. He splashed cold water in his face, before washing his hands, then studying the result.

Then he walked out of the bathroom, out of the café, and into the soft, fresh air. Now all he had to do was to find Tala.

* * *

I'm sorry, guys, I know I should be updating my 'old' stories instead of starting to write new ones, but I have so many ideas for new stories, and it's so much easier to work with something that's new, instead of continuing something else.

Anyway, please review. I _will_ update the story, though it might be a while before I do so. I'll have to work quite a bit on my older stories as well. So, tell me what you guys think? Keep me motivated ;)


	2. Halfhearted confessions

Three days later, Kai had arrived in a small town that he didn't even bother remembering the name of. Of course, as long as he had been in New York, it had been important, if he was ever going to find Tala. But now that he was in the town that the redhead had moved to, more important thoughts filled his mind. For instance, how was he going to find out where his childhood friend lived? It wasn't like Tala had given him an address or anything. If he had, then Kai would have been here years ago.

He didn't even know the surname of the family that had adopted Tala. If he had had that information, then everything would have been a lot easier. But there were thousands of citizens here, and Tala could live among any of them. Kai swallowed, trying to gather his thoughts. He needed to focus.

He remembered that the man who came to pick up Tala had driven a brand new car. Expensive as hell. He had even had a personal driver. So they had to be rich. That would narrow the search a little. Tala had probably kept his surname too. Just to state and example of… something. The redhead had always loved that kind of thing. Being everything but ordinary, saying it was to state and example, even though no one could understand why.

Kai smiled as he sat down by a table in an outdoor café. Sometimes he was sure that he knew Tala better than the redhead did himself.

A waitress made her way over to his table with a sweet smile glued to her face. Kai studied her closely. She couldn't be older than twenty. She didn't look half bad either, with red hair put up in a pony tail, dark brown eyes, and pale, flawless skin. "Would you like to order something, sir?" she asked politely, and Kai noticed her slight blush when he smiled at her.

"I'll have a coffee," he said warmly, bringing a sincere smile to the girl's lips.

"How would you like your coffee? Milk or sugar?"

"None. I'll have it black."

The girl bowed slightly, before returning into the café to get his order. Kai smiled to himself, blowing a dark brown bang away from his face. He couldn't afford hair dye after he was thrown out of the orphanage. It was sad, though. He had started dying his hair when he was just a little kid, and he had gotten so used to the dual toned hair that it felt like a part of him.

The girl soon came back with a cup of coffee. Kai was about to pay, but she shook her head, smiling. "This one's on the house," she said, receiving a smile from the eighteen-year-old. The waitress turned to leave, but she stopped when Kai spoke.

"Wait," he said, and the girl turned around, a questioning look in her brown eyes. "I was wondering if you could help me with something." He reached in his pocket for something, and the girl moved closer to him. He finally pulled out a worn-out picture. "I'm looking for an old friend of mine," he said quietly, handing over the old picture of Tala. "I know he moved here a few years ago. His name's Tala Ivanov."

A confused smile appeared on the girl's lips. "Sure, I'll help you. He goes to my old school. If you can spare a moment, then I'll take you to his house. My shift is over in ten minutes."

"Thanks…" Kai frowned slightly. "What did you say your name was?"

"I didn't," the waitress smiled. "It's Salima."

Kai returned the smile. "Thanks, Salima."

---

Tala had just gotten home from school, and he was sitting by the kitchen table with that spoiled brat of a brother he had. Tyson was stuffing his face with some cereal that consisted of nothing more than sugar and preservatives. The redhead growled quietly, making the younger boy look up.

"You want some?" he asked, with his mouth full of food. Tala shook his head heavily. He would give anything to be out with Bryan or Hilary instead of being stuck with Tyson. He was supposed to help his adoptive brother with his homework, but the bluenette didn't seem to be especially preoccupied about the English assignment.

"Seriously, Tyson, if you don't intend to do anything but watching cartoons and stuffing your face with cereal, I really don't see the point in sitting here, when I have a pile of homework of my own."

Tyson's eyebrows furrowed, as he focused his dark, brown eyes on the redhead. "I thought you were just going to do them for me," he mumbled, before he took another mouthful of the cereal.

Tala rolled his eyes, and was about to go up to his room to start on his homework, when he heard the doorbell ring, and he suddenly stood as frozen. The butler opened the door, as always, and after a few minutes, the man stood in the doorway, his colorless eyes focused on the redhead.

"There is a visitor for you," he said quietly, and gestured for Tala to follow him. And so he did; out of the kitchen, along two hallways, before they were finally in the entrance hall, where the door was left open with a boy with long, brown hair standing in the doorway.

"Hi," the boy said silently. His eyes were focused on the tips of his shoes, so Tala wasn't able to tell the color of them. When the boy finally looked up, though, his eyes were a dark shade of red.

Tala almost didn't believe his own eyes. "Kai?" he whispered. The boy nodded. "I didn't recognize you," the redhead muttered. "What happened to your hair?"

Kai shrugged his shoulders. "Couldn't afford hair dye."

"You shouldn't have come here."

"I had to." Kai frowned. "I turned eighteen long ago. I was thrown out of the orphanage without anywhere to go. I had to see you."

Tala's heart skip a beat. What? Did Kai really think he had the right to come here, after everything he had done? Well, he didn't! Tala had a life now. Who did Kai think he was, to come and ruin everything?

"Who is this?" a familiar voice sounded from behind Tala. The redhead spun around, staring at Bruce Granger, his adoptive father. The dark-haired man took a step towards the door, looking at Kai with curiosity in his eyes.

"Um, Dad, this is Kai Hiwatari, some kid from the orphanage where I used to live," Tala mumbled, annoyed when he noticed that his father's interest in Kai only grew bigger by being told that the boy was an orphan.

"I'm sorry if you think I'm intruding, but I've just turned eighteen, and I didn't have anywhere to go, so…" Kai ended the sentence, letting the thought of him not having anywhere to go linger in the air. Bruce's eyes grew wider, and Tala held a hand up to his forehead. This definitely wasn't good.

"That's terrible!" the dark-haired man exclaimed. "What the hell do you think you're doing out there in the cold? Get in here, you idiot. You're more than welcome to live with us, Kai."

"Thank you, Mr… Sorry, I didn't quite catch your name." Kai looked down at his shoe tips, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks.

"Bruce Granger," Tala's adoptive father replied. "Just call me Bruce."

Kai nodded, and stepped inside when Bruce gestured for him to do so. Tala was burning with rage. How could this happen? The part of his life that included Kai, or anyone from the orphanage for that sake, was over! How could Kai just come here and tear all that apart? He had put everything behind him to come and live with the Grangers, and now Kai was… intruding. Intruding his perfect, happy world, that was so much better than the life in the orphanage, in every single way.

"We have a spare room, anyway," the man said friendly. "Let me take you there. You come too, Yuriy." With that, he started walking, along hallway after hallway, with Kai and Tala behind him, sending each other glances. Kai's were soft and begging forgiveness, and Tala's were glares that were no less than deadly.

"Here it is," Bruce finally said, stopping in front of a door. "It's just across the hall from Yuriy's room, so you won't be lonely." The man received a nod from Kai, who in his turn received another glare. Not that Bruce noticed. "God, Kai don't you have any things? You know, clothes or something?" he suddenly asked, when he noticed that Kai's only belongings were the clothes he was wearing. Kai shook his head silently. Bruce frowned. "I'll let Hiro take you out shopping for clothes later. And we have to get you enrolled to school as well. Well, there's no need to wear that old shirt for any longer. You can borrow a T-shirt from Yuriy for now." Kai nodded again, following Tala into the redhead's own room.

As soon as the door was closed, Tala turned towards Kai, his blue eyes burning with rage. "What the fuck are you doing here? When I cut all the contact with you, I meant for it to stay that way. I never wanted to see that stupid face of yours again! So tell me Kai, why didn't you understand that?"

"Oh, I understood well enough," Kai replied. "But I didn't want to give you up that easily. You're my entire life, and I won't let you go just because of… of… of whatever the fuck it was I did! Damn, Tala, when you left, you might as well just have killed me."

Tala's eyebrows narrowed. "Why?"

"Because then I had no one to get me through all the pain that every day brought." Kai sighed, studying his shoe tips again. "Not that I expected you to care. No one else did. But I _wanted_ you to fucking _care_, Tala!"

The redhead didn't know what to say, so he quickly turned away from Kai and pulled a black T-shirt out of his closet. "Here," he mumbled, throwing it at the red-eyed male. Kai nodded, muttering a faint 'thanks', before pulling off the shirt he had been wearing.

Tala ended up staring in shock when Kai's chest and abdomen were uncovered. One single, pink scar stretched from just between his nipples, straight down to his waist. It only took a turn around his belly button, but except for that, the scar went in a straight line.

"What happened?" he whispered, tears emerging in the corners of his dull blue eyes.

Kai shrugged his shoulders, like he did every time Tala asked that question. "I think I've told you more than enough times, Tala."

The redhead swallowed. "Your parents did this to you?"

"The scar? Indirectly, yes." Kai received a confused glance from Tala, and continued, "My dad got drunk as usual, and decided to beat me up, so he went crazy with a knife. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I had to undergo surgery."

Tala listen with wide eyes as Kai told his story. Just like before. When he was finished, they stood in silence for a while, and Tala suddenly felt warm tears running down his cheeks. Kai gave him a questioning glance.

"Why are you crying?" he asked tonelessly. "It's not like you care, or anything."

"I… I don't want to care," the redhead whispered. "I want to hate you. Why can't I fucking hate you?!"

"How should I know? I'm not you." With that, Kai walked out of the room, leaving Tala crying to himself.

---

Kai hadn't expected it to turn out this way. He had planned on finding Tala, burst out with his feelings, and then go kill himself or something. It wasn't like he had anywhere to go, after all.

What he had _not_ planned, was for Tala's adoptive father to take him in. But of course, he wasn't going to let go of the chance to be friends with Tala again. He only had to regain the redhead's trust, which really couldn't be that hard. They had become like brothers, even after the horrible first impression Kai had made. Attacking anyone who entered the room you were in didn't exactly make them trust you. But Tala had trusted him. He would trust him again.

By the way, what was the thing with Bruce calling Tala Yuriy? His name _was_ Tala, right? Or was that just some weird nickname he came up with? Now that he thought about it, Kai had never talked to anyone about Tala, so he wouldn't know what other people called him. All he knew was that the redhead had introduced himself as Tala when they met.

"Damn that redheaded brat," Kai muttered. "I hope he rots in hell."

That wasn't true, though. He would never wish for anything bad to happen to Tala. The redhead was the one person that he cared about, cherished, treasured… loved. How he had ever let Tala slip away, Kai just couldn't bring himself to understand.

But he was going to make up for it. He was going to catch up with the five years that he had missed out on. He was going to make Tala love him again.

* * *

Okay, so, vacation time = lots of update-time. Plus, I just love this story.

Yay, I'm so happy! Tala doesn't actually hate Kai! He just really, really dislikes him. But he still cares! That's so sweet. -wipes away tears- Anyway, I'll stop babbling, and let you guys do the reviewing. Oh, and in case I forgot to mention, _please_ review. -angel face-


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